As couples dance a waltz together, their steps rise and fall with a gentle sway, a rhythm, a beauty similar to how an artist's brush strokes dance across blank canvas creating an exquisite masterpiece.
There can be times though when a couple’s footing gets shaky or is completely thrown off and they can get twisted in the arms of their partner or worse one or both fall or go spinning right off the dance floor.
Isn’t that just how life can be at times?
A series of intricate steps that rise and fall, that sometimes get twisted and are not always beautiful; in fact, they can sometimes hurt so badly you don’t know if you have the strength to hold on, but you know that you “trust the Lord with all your heart” Proverbs 3:5 and know that He has “clothe[d] [you] with strength and dignity” Proverbs 31:25. You allow the tears to wash over you and smile because you know that “he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:6 while He gently restores your rhythm in life’s delicate waltz.
This summer marked six years since my husband was diagnosed with PTSD and although we were thankful for this new knowledge, our gentle sway and rhythm had definitely been thrown off. We were dancing in different directions. It had been months since we even felt like we were on the same dance floor. Our hearts yearned for healing, burned with expectancy and cried for the awful music to stop. Although family and friends surrounded us, I felt so alone. And, the series of life’s twists and turns left me exhausted. God promised me that He was working, but like Sarah, some days I doubted Him. Yet, He continued to show up for me day after day.
“Jen, my therapist says that he needs eighteen months to two years to reverse the PTSD, if ever.” “If ever? What did that mean?” I thought. “How were we? How was I ever going to make it through this?” We rarely touched one another much less waltzed together then, but God did what God does, he sent a legion of angels to dance with us. Tools and resources began to just naturally flow in. Our therapists; uniquely designed for each of us, helped us to find our footing. It was not always beautiful and at times it was hard and lonely, but with God all things are absolutely possible! I am thankful for the grace of God to lead our waltz. He was absolutely working in ways I never could! Like a deer yearns for water, I yearned to be with Him Psalm 42:1 while He gently plucked and tuned one tiny string of our hearts at a time creating a stronger more melodious joy and understanding.
The diagnosis helped me to understand, it gave us hope, and in part, it gave us the strength to fight for our marriage. God “turned our wailing into dancing” Psalm 30:11 and caused us to give pause and take a closer look at our priorities: faith and family. As space naturally began to open in our life, we learned to say “yes” to our priorities over and over again. God was definitely working!
Thank goodness that His grace and mercy overflows even when we are unsure if He is really listening. Romans 8:28 reminds us to trust that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him. Our Heavenly Father is pretty incredible! Out of this world, if you ask me.
Since my husband’s diagnosis, we have learned much about ourselves and each other. We learned how to lovingly embrace our brokenness and how to dance with one another again. There are times when our steps rise when they should fall or fall when they should rise, but now we understand that it is okay to stumble and even lose our footing. Returning to life’s delicate waltz is easier to do when you pause, breathe in deeply and take it one step at a time together. When I look back, I am reminded that God never left us. He was always there guiding our steps, waltzing us towards peace, trust, strength and discipline. He never gave up on us. And, He will never give up on you!
He reminded us that “whoever drinks of the water [He] gives them will never thirst” John 4:14 and He taught us to:
Lean into Him- bend our knees. Pray the Divine Mercy, a novena or another suitable prayer at regular intervals throughout the day.
Learn from Him- watch nature. Go on a walk, sit by a body of water, grow a garden, visit a wildlife park.
Listen to Him - get quiet. Read the Bible, complete a Bible study, listen to Christian music, just be.
He taught us to turn inward and look towards our heart. He promised us that when we give Him the space and time to work, He will transform our steps into a beautiful masterpiece in life’s delicate waltz.
Ya’ll have a beautiful one!
All My Love,
Jen
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